


Older Siblings

by 22Bean22



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Child!Matsuda, Crying, Death, Dreams, Light Yagami - Freeform, Matsuda - Freeform, Sayu Yagami - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 18:45:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15540636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/22Bean22/pseuds/22Bean22
Summary: Older siblings were supposed to be role-models. They weren’t supposed to die early, they weren’t supposed to kill.





	Older Siblings

**Author's Note:**

> ...I cri.

It was an understatement to say that Matsuda was attracted to Sayu. Because, really, it was so much more than that. 

When he had first laid eyes on Light’s younger sister, years ago, he thought she was cute. Not in the attractive way, but just pretty adorable. Like a tiny, innocent, female version of Light. 

However, when Sayu had walked in on the task force meeting at Light’s house, she had grown up so much Matsuda found it hard to wrap his head around. And, not only that, her appearance and character had reminded him hauntingly of someone from his past. 

Someone he missed dearly. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Matsuda had only just begun his middle school career when his sister left for university. He had been seven, and showing affection to his big sister felt like something embarrassing to do. 

But, Matsuda didn’t care. At the train station, it was nearly impossible for his parents to untangle Matsuda from his sister, as he sobbed and cried into her shoulder, begging her not to leave. 

The truth was, the bullies didn’t pity him at school. A combination of his quirky personality, squeaky voice and naïve world views caused many to pick on him. His older sister had always been the one to pick him up when he had been pushed down, to walk him home from school, to help him get to sleep when nightmares plagued his nights. 

But, now that she was gone, Matsuda was alone. 

He was still quite young, and had yet to be given any form of electronics to communicate with his sister. After paying the university fees, the family was struggling slightly, and Matsuda understood where their priorities lay. However, it did still hurt, that he couldn’t even text goodnight. 

His parents allowed him to give his sister a quick daily phone call, but she had many studies to commit to, so it never lasted for longer than five minutes. 

But, gradually, they drifted apart. Over time, Matsuda had begun to recognise changes in his sister. She would sound tired, grumpy, and sometimes even miserable. He knew that she tried to act happy, for his sake, but he could hear it in her voice. Images of her curled up in her lonely room, a fake smile plastered on her face as she laughed half-heartedly at his attempted jokes. 

The calls became shorter. She would no longer end the call with ‘I have to go and study,’ but instead with ‘My friends are calling me.’ 

Matsuda wanted to meet these friends. If his sister liked them, then they were bound to be nice. 

Oh, he was so wrong. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

He could still remember every detail of that day. 

The weather, the time, his routine from waking up to going home, and finding his mother sobbing at the kitchen table. 

His sweet, caring personality took hold, and he hurriedly rushed to her side, blurting out every question that buzzed around his mind. 

His mother did nothing but cry. 

It was Matsuda’s father who had eventually told the news. 

After about fifteen minutes of trying to coax something out of his mother, Matsuda had headed upstairs to do his homework. This particular assignment was quite hard, and Matsuda already had a feeling that he would require help with it later on. 

His sister was good at maths. Maybe he could ask her, when they had their daily phone call. It might succeed in getting her talking, for once, as the state of the calls these days were only Matsuda grasping at thin straws for conversation. 

He was just setting out his pencil, book and rubber, when his bedroom door opened. His father had walked in, ashen faced, hands trembling. 

Matsuda, immediately sensing that something was wrong, swivelled around on his chair, his maths homework completely forgotten. 

If both of his parents were in such a state, something really terrible must’ve happened.

His father hadn’t needed any coaxing. All it had taken was too words: “What’s wrong?” to get Matsuda’s well-awaited answer. 

His sister had been killed in an accident. 

She had been with her friends. The friends that Matsuda had wanted to meet with such a passion. The friends who happened to be into some bad things. His father hadn’t gone into much detail, clearly trying to preserve his son’s innocence, but Matsuda wasn’t as stupid as he seemed. He could work it out. 

Drugs. That was the only explanation. His sister had gotten in with the wrong crowd, and had been killed, while drunk-driving. 

Matsuda cried all night. His emotions ranged from grief, to sadness, to a heart-raging fury. He had never cried this much before.

A year ago, his sister would’ve been right by his side, placing a comforting hand on his shaking shoulder and whispering sweet words until sleep finally took him under its wing. But his sister wasn’t there. And she never would be. The chair that she used to place by his bedside at night, now propped up against the wall in the far corner of his room. That chair would never be used again. Matsuda had kept it in his room, the weak hope that when his sister returned, they could share those moments again. But his sister would never return. 

All it took was one look at that chair to get his sobbing started again. 

He was so angry. His small body trembling, fists white from pressure as they clutched at his sweat-logged bed sheets, teeth gritted together as sobs ripped from his throat. It only took about three hours for his voice to begin breaking. But he didn’t stop. He couldn’t. 

Why? Why did she have to leave? Why did she have to get involved with those people? She was clever, couldn’t she tell what they were going to do to her? How they were going to corrupt her? 

But, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t blame his sister. He hated her so much, he hated her for leaving him. But he also loved her, for staying with him while she could. 

It just so happened, that on that dark, miserable night, Matsuda discovered his dream. He wanted to be a police officer. 

He wanted to work on keeping the bad people from the good, he wanted to stop the drugs, the cruelty. He wanted no one to go through what he had that night, he wanted everyone to be happy. 

It was stupid to want to get revenge for his sister’s sake. That was completely pointless, it wouldn’t bring her back. But… he could stop other people, older siblings, from getting affected by the malicious ones that had taken his sister away from him. 

That was the last time Matsuda had cried. 

Until the identity of Kira was revealed to be Light Yagami. He’d tried to hold them back, the tears that had been kept inside for so long. He’d always made such an effort to smile, to play the fool, the task force was so solemn and they all needed someone to laugh at. It was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Living out his dream, maybe not catching drug-dealers, but hunting a mass-murderer was definitely an acceptable outcome. 

A gunfire.

But Light Yagami was Kira. And, ironically, as the tears streamed down his face and gun trembled in his hands, Matsuda wasn’t crying for L. Or Watari. Or Ukita. And, although he missed him dearly, not even Soichiro Yagami. 

Another gunfire.

No… He was crying for Sayu. 

Another gunfire. 

Because Sayu, much like he had years ago, was going to find out something heartbreaking about her older sibling. It was definite that Light would get executed for his crimes, but at least Matsuda’s sister had died pure. She may have been involved with some bad people, but deep in his heart, Matsuda knew that she was the same person who would sit by his bedside at night. But… Sayu would find out that her older brother, the person who she had always looked up to after all these years, was a cold-hearted megalomaniac. 

Another gunfire. 

Matsuda advanced on Light, who was now lying in a mixed puddle of blood and rainwater. The gun was gripped firmly in the police officer’s hand, and his fingers were strong as they pulled the trigger. 

The final gunfire. 

Older siblings were supposed to be role-models. They weren’t supposed to die early, they weren’t supposed to kill. 

Light was going to get his own justice now, and Matsuda was going to give it.


End file.
